Another bad dream.
But it isn’t just a dream… it’s a memory.
It’s back to freshman year, her first day.
Janice is propped neatly in her seat, in homeroom, scanning her schedule. She’s ready for her first day of high school.
“Hey, there,” a voice suddenly asks from the seat next to her. She hadn’t even noticed the boy slip into the empty seat. “I’m Daniel.”
“Janice,” she replied with a smile. This Daniel guy is pretty cute, she noted.
He ran his hand through his light brown hair, speaking up again. “Here,” he started, extending his arm, “your pen. You dropped it and I don’t think you noticed.”
“Oh, thank you,” she answered a little too quickly, taking the pen back.
“You like elephants?” he asked.
What? Why was he asking such a… oh. She glanced at her pen, seeing that it was covered in elephant pictures. She silently cursed herself for bringing this pen to school.
“Well, um. I guess so… They’re gray and big and cute,” she heard herself say. Oh, gosh. What am I saying, she thought. I’m such an idiot.
To her surprise, he laughed kindly. “You know, Janice, you’re pretty funny. And you seem really nice, too. And, honestly, I wanted to ask you. I’m sort of new in this area, and I feel completely lost… Would you mind sticking with me? At least for the first day?”
She couldn’t believe what was happening. “Of course,” she answered immediately, even though she wasn’t so comfortable with the school either. Her heart was fluttering. “I’d love to.”
He smiled, his eyes catching a hint of light. She smiled back.
Janice woke up. That’s when the tears started. She silently gasped for air, trying to control her breathing. She tried to get the image of Daniel out of her mind, trying to focus on other things. She looked around desperately. Her desk, still piled with her locker belongings. Her window, glowing softly from the moonlight.
Her breathing started to calm down, and she hurt inside. It was a pain that came every time she thought of him, where her heart felt heavy, burdened. She rubbed her temples softly, almost rhythmically, trying to calm herself down.
This, she thought silently, is why I should have left. Why I should have taken the pills.
In the past, at times such as these, she would’ve flipped her Bible open for some inspiration, some helpful words of wisdom. But not since then.
But she felt the need to, perhaps even a conviction. She pulled open her bedside drawer and slipped out her worn out Bible, clicking on her lamp. She opened it to a random page.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. [Isaiah 41:10]
Janice smiled, amused by the verse. What a coincidence, she thought.
And she went back to sleep.
Then along comes another wave. It sees the first wave, looking grim, and it says to him: “Why do you look so sad?” The first wave says: “You don’t understand! We’re all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Isn’t it terrible?”
The second wave says: “No, you don’t understand. You’re not a wave, you’re part of the ocean.”
We’re all just a wave in the ocean.
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(Source: book--quotes)
(Source: aerostyletommy)
